You know what I love? When people ask me questions that I don’t have the answer to. This all started back in elementary school when a teacher asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I had no idea because I adopt the same philosophy then that I do now. The philosophy being just plan out the rest of the day because that’s all you can handle right about now.
Ever since then the questions have kept on coming and now I’m faced with, “What are you doing after graduation?” After much thought and deliberation I decided to make a list of answers to give to people. I did the same for when I went to my cousins wedding and people asked me when I was going to get married and it worked out great, except for those instances in which people left with the impression that I was gay. Anyhow, if you ask me in the near future what I plan to do after graduation, these are a few examples of what you might hear.
1) I am planning on moving back to New Jersey where I can somehow infiltrate myself into the mafia. I can start out delivering pizza and then with my dedication and hard work I will sneak my way into a dangerous crime family. I would simultaneously start working for the FBI under the pretense that I am an insider to this crime family. Instead of ratting out said crime family on a regular basis, I would occasionally leak information to both sides just to keep things interesting. So while both parties would think that they are benefiting from my insider information, neither are really making any progress. I’m sure at one point the mafia or the FBI will find out and I will either be dead or in prison. Maybe that’s not the best option…
2) I think I’m going to take some cello lessons because I have always felt that I would have been a master cellist. I have no real logical reasoning behind my feeling this way but I am 97% convinced that if my parents put a cello in my hands at age 3 that I would have been a child prodigy. It’s sad to think that I could have been playing concerts with Yo Yo Ma and OneRepublic. As a direct result of this regret I am going to start taking cello lessons now after I graduate. Could I still be a prodigy? Is it less spectacular for an adult to pick up an instrument and play perfectly? Maybe I will start a new generation of adult prodigies.
3) I’ve actually been working on this new product that not only protects your house from burglars but it gives a line of defense against those pesky pets and rodents. As genius as this might sound, it’s just a ploy to help save young men from wasting their summers selling security systems and pest control. The super product will undoubtedly create a monopoly on the summer sales market and force all of the other companies, such as APX and Pinnacle, to go out of business.
4) Is there a place in the world where you can still make a living being a shepherd? For some reason I have this idea that herding sheep in New Zealand would be phenomenal. If this is a possibility, someone please let me know.
5) I’m going to start a new line of work called self esteem restoration. I would go around and visit people that have lost their self esteem and I would lift their spirits but showing them how horrible I am at singing. They pay, I sing, they laugh and feel a whole lot better about life.
