A very smart person once told me that you can tell a lot about a person by the things that they spend their money on. This is actually a lie. No wise sage ever told me this; rather it’s something I say. It just sounds a lot cooler when I allude to this mystery being because somehow it makes it more valid. This is getting wildly off topic.

Like I was saying, by taking a look into someone’s shopping bag you can make some interesting conclusions about said person. This train of though began when I started to do some serious self-analysis upon my returning home from a brief excursion to Target. I thought the items I purchased were fairly non-descript but in reality they tell many stories. There are two in particular that paint a perfect picture of my life at this point in time.

The items are two of the ugliest towels anyone will ever lay eyes on. 

It’s not some strange design that make these towels hideous because they are solid colors. It just so happens that the color of these towels could be identified from space. They don’t have a overzealous pizzazz to them, rather they slowly burn holes in your retinas and then touch the nerve of your brain that makes your sick to your stomach. For this very reason they were half the price of all the other towels.

Now don’t go jumping to conclusions that the reason I bought these towels is because I am a penny pincher. While this might have been true in my younger years, I can assure I moved on from that way of life.

Exhibit A - When ordering fine cuisine from the establishments such as Taco Bell and Wendy’s, I no long order exclusively from the dollar menu.

Exhibit B - I bought a MacBook Pro instead of a HP SmartTechPowerPavillionThing.

OK, fine. I will admit that the price did have a small part to do with my purchase but wasn’t everything. These were “premium” towels and with the “ugly” discount were the same as the low grade product. I’m sure that after a few weeks, these ugly towels will do just as good a job as those normal colored towels, unless the color starts to eat away at the cotton…which might happen.

So what was my reasoning behind me buying the towels? In short, I’m single. 

Usually when people buy towels there are a few motivations behind their decisions. More often than not people will buy towels that go with the theme colors of their bathroom. Those who fall into this category are married people, females of all types and guys who are trying to show girls that frequent their house that they are capable of buying the right color of towels. Those who are on the outside of this group, single guys, usually buy the first towel they see, or the one that is the same color as their favorite football team.

I bucked the single guy trend because I asked the question, “Is there anyone else besides me that is going to see this towel?” Maybe my roommates might see them but only for the 1.5 seconds that it takes me to get from the bathroom to my room.

Besides that I couldn’t think of anyone. I’m not in a marriage relationship where the other party can criticize me on my inability coordinate colors. I’m also not at a point where I’m worried that a potential love interest might judge my horrible sense of style. I’m just a single guy that is trying to be smart about his purchases. My only motivation is the fact that I want my calves to be dry when I put on my pants.

So what if I buy ugly towels? Is it a crime? Will this haunt me for the rest of my life?

When you see them for yourself you can let me know what you think.